My weights are heavy
And my words are insufficient
To bring about any change
So in Your arms I lay
Unworthy of this love
You’ve so freely given
I shackle myself to shame
You still hold me and promise
To give me a new name
From trapped to freed
Ashamed to forgiven
Weighted down and burdened
To a child of God
My thoughts alone can’t bring this change
So under Your wings I lay
When I’m weary, I’ll rest my head.
Ungrateful – I’ll look at my blessings instead.
Uncertain of myself – I’ll remember how far I’ve come.
Uncertain of my future, I’ll trust what is yet to come.
During some time of reflection today, I found myself thinking “wow, I have been blessed to be given so many weaknesses!” Wait, what? That sounds a little backwards. But the thought process that led to that conclusion is this: In every weakness I’ve experienced, I find it very hard to pass judgement on someone else for the same offense. I have too much understanding as to how they could be in that situation or that struggle, how the weaknesses occur and trap us and how those situations don’t solely define who the person is inside. This frees me from feeling any right or obligation to judge them. And when judgement is removed, love and good intentions seem to fill its place.
“Do you judge another people? You your-selves have done wrong things. So when you judge others, you judge yourselves, because you do the same things. You judge them and yet you do the same things.” (Romans 2:1)
Thank You for my weaknesses
For they have taught me grace
So let us give grace
and when we can’t…
let us give love
and when we can’t…
let us leave them in the hands
of the One who can and does.
You touch my eyes so I can see
You touch my heart so I can breathe
You gave your life to set me free
My earthly form is fading
All that I grasp crumbles at my touch
My vision is blurring and
My heart is yearning
Awaiting Your breath to wake me up
Do I need to explore this cave
where all my darkness lies?
The entrance is so slippery
Yet has appeal, a clever disguise
Are there answers inside?
Anything I need to know?
How and when did it get here
This caveat inside my soul
Why have I always kept it up
Visited it, even made it my home!
There must be a comfort
In running back to the dark
It’s easy and familiar
Tempting me not to go too far
In the light, there is work to do
Challenges to face and overcome
Relationships need mending
Emotions become burdensome
But how will change occur
If I keep running back to my cave
Convincing myself there’s treasure there
Fooling myself to stay enslaved
There’s a whole new world
Outside this cave to explore
And once my eyes adjust
I’m sure I’ll be ready for more
Sometimes You’re silent
Even when You’re working
Sometimes life’s a mess
Even when You’re there
Sometimes I don’t see the answer
Even when You hear my prayer
Sometimes You show up
With just a nudge
A glimmer of hope
A reminder of Your love
Thank You for seeing me
Knowing me
Loving me
Show me Your heart today
So I can love others the same way.
John 13:34
A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.
Jeremiah 31:3
The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.
I’ve doubted and scrutinized my faith
I’ve torn it to pieces
Looking for evidence, looking for proof
Asking for confirmation from You
So many days have passed with no answer
No miraculous light
Just the drone of my questions, sin’s pain
And this seemingly endless fight
Then I turned around away from my search
Back to the place I knew You were
All along there waiting for me to see
It was never You hiding, it was me
My doubt now dissolved in the wake of Your spirit
Your loving kindness carries me away
To a place I’m reminded of Your truths
To a strengthened faith and a brand new day.
Lamentations 3:22-23
“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
Thorns of the Flesh
This thorn, this burden buried deep inside
It’s painful removing and taking so long
I just want to run and hide
Will you pull it out, let me bleed
I’m done with this, so tired
Ready to be freed.
You can live with this thorn my child
It will keep you running to me.
2 Corinthians 12:8-9
8Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
You are the quiet I find in my heart
You are the stillness I seek
You are my wise counselor
You are my source of peace
For all the times You spoke
And I didn’t hear
The times You tried to get my attention
And I came nowhere near
For the times You shouted
Waving Your hands in the air
And in the silence You still whispered
Reminding me You cared
For the times You held me gently
As I wept in Your arms
The times You sent me warnings
To keep me out of harm
The times You’ve made me laugh
With Your wit, humor and charm
Your love, Your strength, Your kindness
Because that’s just Who You are.
Psalm 63:3
Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you.
Jesus is with me
because I have the greatest need
He didn’t come for the Saints
For those strong in good deeds
He came for sinners
He came for me
Mark 2:17
On hearing this, Jesus said to them, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”
Pillars of strength, confidence,
kindness, good intent
Laid in goodness, forgiveness
Perseverance and merriment
How free would I be if worth wasn’t measured in friendship
My value wasn’t defined by other’s views
My fulfillment not met by earthly dreams
My heart’s needs met by only You
How clear would my vision be if I erased the clutter
How light the load if I let the weights go
How patient the wait if I fully surrendered
How complete the path if I trusted all You told
Matthew 11:29-30
“Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”
Didi lived down the street from me when I was a kid and she had honeysuckle vines in her backyard. I loved the smell and loved getting to eat the flowers. It was a really nice childhood memory. 30 plus years later, I came across a beautiful smell in the air when taking an evening stroll and I thought “there must be a honeysuckle vine nearby!” It had been so long since those days of honeysuckle in the backyard I couldn’t even remember for sure what they looked like but because I had no other frame of reference for the strong yet sweet fragrance, I had undoubtedly decided this was honeysuckle I was smelling. And for awhile all of my walks were filled with the smell of sweet honeysuckle.
Until one day someone I was walking with corrected me and explained the flower I was smelling wasn’t honeysuckle at all. It was jasmine. All this time! They have some similarities and both emit a stronger fragrance at night but they are actually two different species. And while the petals of the honeysuckle are edible, jasmine can be quite toxic to humans if ingested. And I wondered… in how many other areas of my life am I believing I am enjoying the sweet nectar of honeysuckle all the while I am ingesting toxic jasmine petals?
Have I mistaken lust for love? Acceptance from others as self worth? Have I misinterpreted setbacks as failure? And looked at my emotions as a compass? The smell of honeysuckle tends to pop up in areas filled with immaturity or painful past experiences. It may be where there is incomplete information or in areas that are in need of the most growth. And this is where it’s important that on my evening strolls, I’m walking with Someone who knows the difference.
I thought I knew what was around me
I thought I recognized the smell
But truly I was mistaken
All this time I couldn’t tell
But the One right beside me
Began pointing out the truth
He corrected me and taught me
All the things I’d misconstrued
So now as I am walking
I make sure He’s close by
To teach in each new fragrance
What is truth and what’s a lie
John 16:13 When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth, for he will not speak on his own authority, but whatever he hears he will speak, and he will declare to you the things that are to come.
My sin is not greater
My gifts are not lesser
Than all those who
have gone before
Equal in measure
For the standard of Christ
Is the only judgement
That matters any more
Galatians 3:28
There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.
James 2: 12-13
12 Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the Law that gives freedom. 13 For judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment.
Grateful no matter where I go
You’re with me
No matter what stage, what season
You are there
Running into Your arms
I see all You teach me
Through these storms
My stubbornness gets shattered
My treasures all tattered
My humility is deepened
My sins are forgiven
Because …
“Your Love never fails, it never gives up, it never runs out on me.”
(One Thing Remains)
Romans 8:38-39
38 And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[b] neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. 39 No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord
Can I dedicate my life to You no matter what comes my way
Can I make You my life’s purpose
And hold my faith steady when I’m tempted to stray
Can I leave behind all my doubts
Never to look back on them again
Can I follow You and defend Your truth
To the very end?
Can I stop looking at other’s approval
And adjusting myself to gain that win
And instead look only to You
No matter the circumstances I find myself in
Can I trust in You to meet my needs
Before I see them being met
Can I trust Your plan and step out in faith
Without view of any safety nets?
I have a seed of faith
And oh how small it feels some days
But You say a seed is all I need
To move mountains as I pray
So here we go little seed
Show me the way
Matthew 17:20
He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”
Amazing Grace –
It runs through every inch of me
It seeps into my head
It covers all the trouble I see
It leaves my soul well fed
It demands kindness to all
It leaves no room to judge
It dictates my perspective
It fills my heart with love
This is not the path I had in mind
These are not the troubles
I would have designed
But my easy roads
would never have known
The beauty your paths have shown
so I will trust in you
I just found this poem/song from 2006 while going through old journals and I don’t think I’ve ever posted it. Lots and lots of questions in these old journals and it’s encouraging to see how many of those questions have since received answers or just gone away. It’s a lovely reminder that seasons are just that… seasons – they don’t last forever – they change. Harsh winters do turn into beautiful springs. Happy Sunday 💗
A pretty face – torn up heart
Missing pieces – falling apart
Looking for a seamstress
Holding the thread
Where do I begin?
So many blessings
But thoughts so confused
Wanting serenity
But it will only approach
Like the waves
Calm this sea
Make sense out of me
Put to rest my questions
Lay out Your path before me
I am at the brink of despair
With so many doubts of why I am here
Put an end to this wrestle
Please calm me, wash me
and my fears<<<<
gt;
In the darkness, hope becomes visible
It’s the glimmer of light around the bend
In doubt, faith becomes tangible
Turning trials into a dearest friend
James 1:2-3
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance
I came into His inner room
And heard what He had to say
It spoke deeply to my heart
His love and grace were bright as day
Then as I was walking
Things started turning dim
Obstacles began contrasting
All I’d heard from Him
And then I could finally see
That this is where true faith begins
Luke 12:3
What you have said in the dark will be heard in the daylight, and what you have whispered in the ear in the inner rooms will be proclaimed from the roofs.
My shame tries to claim me
Tries to define and name me
But You have something
different to say
You say I’m a child of God
My past tries to haunt me
Tries to destroy and taunt me
But You have something
Different to say
That I am forgiven and loved
Not chained to my sin
But to Your presence within
I am free to let go and grow
Galatians 3:26
So in Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith,
Give me a rule
And I’ll try not to break it
Expect too much
And you’ll not be pleased
Show me my debt
And I’ll toil to pay it
But convince me of your love
And I shall never leave
Nothing can take me from You
No sin too great
No fall too far
No heart too broken
You’ve covered it all. 💗
pon·derˈpändər/
verb
1. think about (something) carefully, especially before making a decision or reaching a conclusion.
When I was a little girl
And fairytales were my whole world
I stopped to ponder You
Nighttimes wishin on a star
Wondering where and who You are
I stopped to ponder You
Struggling and livin on a dime
Lost and cryin all the time
I stopped to ponder You
Had some kids of my very own
No longer feeling all alone
I stopped to ponder You
Getting older every day
Wondering if I’ve lost my way
I stop to ponder You
Answers still not comin round
Hoping we’re all eternity bound
I stop to ponder You
This whole world leaves gifts and pain
It’s the journey and the friends we gain
Yet no matter where I am and what I do
I stop to ponder You
There’s a little extra pain in my tears
A little more sorrow in my heart
The struggle is getting the best of me
Each day I’m not sure how to start
One breath at a time
I slowly move forward and pray
That I’ll see something, hear a word
That sounds different than it did yesterday
If I don’t want to be here or there
There is only one place left to be
It’s in a place of peace
Inside of me.
What if…
I never discover a solution
My battles never find resolution
My actions never match my words
My thoughts are always disturbed
I never write a famous song
I never find a place to belong
My worry doesn’t cease
My soul never finds peace
What if…
Promises are fulfilled
I perfect the art of being still
I continue to grow and gain
I find purpose in the pain
I gain insight and faith
I discover new strength
I hold fast to the truth
I stay beside You
What if…
We want magical
Earth shattering
Mind blowing days
We want mysterious
The unexplained
Beyond the mundane
We want
the in between times
Full of contentment and grace
We want answers
Purpose, Wanna make a dent
in this place
I need a vail
Need some privacy
As I figure out
Who I want to be
Then I can be me
Without apology
I want to create
Want to affect change
Want to add something to the day
That will make a different tomorrow
I want to make good things clear
And help bad things disappear
Want to smile with those in joy
And cry with those in sorrow
As the noise fills up my mind
I sweep it all away
I find my place of rest
And go on about my day
There is much to be done
Don’t be distracted by fear
We have much more important things
To focus on here
Isaiah 41:10
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Ephesians 2:10
For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
Giving into it
Made it stronger
Giving it attention
Made it hold on longer
Always seeking it’s own satisfaction
While pretending to be my friend
Yet every road it chose for me
Led to pain and destruction in the end
Now seeing, I’ve turned away
From sin’s wicked ways and selfishness
I’ll follow Your Spirit to overcome
This battle with my own flesh.
Colossians 3:5
Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry.
Galatians 5:16-18
So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves. The sinful nature wants to do evil, which is just the opposite of what the Spirit wants. And the Spirit gives us desires that are the opposite of what the sinful nature desires. These two forces are constantly fighting each other, so you are not free to carry out your good intentions. But when you are directed by the Spirit, you are not under obligation to the law of Moses.
Tether me
Tether me
To Your side
For in my heart
Lurks desire
To go astray
Tether me
Tether me
To Your side
To keep me near
And protect me
From my own way
Romans 7:15
I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.
A true mark of friendship is when you become a better person because of it. A true friend can love you where you are but also encourage you to change for the better.
Proverbs 17:17
A friend loves at all times…
Proverbs 27:17
As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.
Proverbs 27:6
Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.
I always come back to You
You are the highest good
I can think or see
You are my heart’s home
You are my shelter
The safest place for me
I hold you all loosely
These thoughts in my mind
These desires for outcomes
I hope to find
a little spark…
burning inside
Untainted by night
Shining so bright
a little flame…
inside my frame
Burning the mire
Directing desire
a little light…
persistently
Working to be
My own melody
Shake off the dust
Get rid of the junk
Junk that’s been piling on for years
It’s weighed you down
Brought you down roads
That never were planned for you here
Your exit is now
Don’t miss the turn
This new road will be free and light
I’ve heard your prayers
It’s never too late
To turn all this wrong into right
Isaiah 43:18-19
Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert.
The other day I was approached by (I assume) a homeless man asking for money. I rarely have cash but happened to have some that day so I felt compelled to give him $5. Someone with me made a comment like “ya we know what he’s going to do with that!” And it was said in a not so nice way.
I understand that thinking and I’ve struggled with it myself. But at the end of the day, I don’t know his story and I don’t need to. I’m just called to help others in need, not just with my money but with compassion as well.
The beggar is an opportunity for me
To offer my help to a person in need
Will I glance away pretending not to see
Assume the worst and count him undeserving?
Or will I give simply because he is in need
No judgement or condemnation, no expectation
Just help for a man life has knocked to his knees
Matthew 5:42
Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.
I give you my treasures
All tattered and torn
They’ve lost all their luster
They’re long over worn
At first I couldn’t see it
I didn’t have a clue
How worthless they were
Until I saw You
Philippians 3:8
Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ
Will You do it for me
Will You be my strength
Will You face my enemies
And counsel me at length
Will You bring redemption
And hold me safely there
Will You offer forgiveness
Will You hear my prayer?
Psalm 91:4
He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
He’s the hope for the broken
The light in the dark
Our sight
when we can no longer see
where we are
He’s the producer of miracles
The way out of our storms
Bringing heaven’s power
To our fading earthly forms
Revelation 19: 11-13, 16
I saw heaven standing open and there before me was a white horse, whose rider is called Faithful and True. With justice he judges and wages war. His eyes are like blazing fire, and on his head are many crowns. He has a name written on him that no one knows but he himself. He is dressed in a robe dipped in blood, and his name is the Word of God. …. On his robe and on his thigh he has this name written:
KING OF KINGS AND LORD OF LORDS.
There’s a loop in my brain
Going round and round
No beginning, no end
No solution to be found
Traveling the loop
Day and night
Looking for answers
To make this loop right
Time to desert this train of thought
And leave my loop behind
Let it sit uninhabited
While I go live this life of mine
