faith

Stillness

Poetry

Stillness takes discipline

Waiting when I want to go

Pausing to take things slow

But it’s so good when I do stop

When I stop to look for You

When I stop to remember truth

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Nothing Else

Poetry

Rest me not on my laurels

My good looks, fortune or fame

If I shall gain the whole world but not have You

I’d have nothing to my name

 

No applause shall appease me

No friendship, lover or affection due

My heart would be left cold and empty

Without the fulfillment of You

 

Mark 8:36

 

“For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?”

God

Poetry

May I never be so high That I fail to look up

May I never be so content

That I stop asking You to fill me up

May this world never answer

all of my questions

That I would stop bringing

all of my wondering to You

May my heart always long,

my hands ever reach,

my eyes always search

To experience You

Matthew 6:33

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

These Three

Poetry

Pride quiet yourself

You will not be entertained

Suffer silently through

your offense and inflated pain

Regret you’ve been replaced

This is no longer your domain

You ruled uselessly for years

Now turn and go on your own way

And last but not least

I am abandoning you fear

For all the missed opportunities

You caused me while here

1 Corinthians 13:13

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Me or You?

Poetry

I long to follow 

my own dreams

Hoping my fairytales 

will come true

But I’m concerned 

That way of thinking

Is contrary 

to the truth of You

Culture says I can have it all

It says to follow my heart

Your Word says my heart is deceptive

To not trust in myself but in who You are
Jeremiah 17:9
The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?
Matthew 16:24-25

“Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their lifef will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.”

He Knows & Provides

Poetry

You know who’s hurting

You know each one’s needs

You know who’s heart is hardened

You know who needs some peace

Matthew 5:45-46

“…He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you only love those who love you, what reward will you get? …”

Dry Bones

Poetry

Where’s the depth?

My spirit feels dry

I need some resuscitation

Bring me back to life

Ezekiel 37:4-6

4 Then he said to me, “Prophesy to these bones and say to them, ‘Dry bones, hear the word of the Lord! 5 This is what the Sovereign Lord says to these bones: I will make breath[a]enter you, and you will come to life. 6 I will attach tendons to you and make flesh come upon you and cover you with skin; I will put breath in you, and you will come to life. Then you will know that I am the Lord.’”

Loud Faith

Poetry

You hold my hand

And walk with me

You know everything on my mind

You understand

And see my heart

You’ve plans in your own time

If what I want 

Is beneath Your desire

I submit my will to Yours

You know better

And my vision is limited

So my wanting I’ll endure
Let my faith be my patience

Let is rise above the rest

Let it be the loudest voice 

My heart hears

As I’m tempted by trials and tests

Love

Poetry

You are inscribed on my palm

Your name is before me day and night

Your soul calls out and I hear it

Your heart has needs and I want

To move the mountains to meet them

For you are precious in my sight
For who can express the great love of God… unrelenting, unequivocal to anything else.  Grab hold, see it, feel it, hear it, it’s yours. 

My Faith

Poetry

I can tell you what I believeBut cannot prove to you it’s true

I can rest in my beliefs in peace

And not expect you to believe them too
Because I’m still trying to figure it out

Day after day, year after year

And I still have questions and doubts

About all that I’m learning here
I can tell you I believe in a Creator

One that everything makes sense to

I believe He made me and knows me

And He wants me to know Him too
I believe in my moments of failure

He’s the only safe place to run

And when He saw my chosen path

He rescued me with His Son
I believe He pulls life together

Gives me significance and a place

I believe He holds all power

Yet is humble and full of grace
I believe He reveals just pieces

Letting me see just what I need

Until one day He’ll reveal it all

And by my faith in Him, I’ll be free

Turn

Poetry

Simply turnToward open doors

Toward cleared paths

Toward His kind voice

Toward your destiny alas
Genesis 19:25
But Lot’s wife looked back, and she became a pillar of salt.
Psalm 16:11
You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

Here with You

Poetry

Here I am safe

Keep me in your arms

As I clean out the messes

That cause me nothing but harm

Here I am loved

Let me never forget

As I keep walking further away 

From a broken past and regret

Here I am hopeful

Fix my gaze on You

As I search to know You more

Align my thoughts with Your truth

Luke 4:32

They were amazed at his teaching, because his words had authority.

Psalm 37:4

Take delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. 

Love Without Fear

Poetry

Pain taught me to self protect

And it built its own defense

But now when I try to walk in faith

I’m trapped behind this fence

 

I push some people away

And hide away with You

Until I’m reminded hiding

Is not what You intend me to do

 

Exercise faith with courage

By loving without fear

Some of these people I’m turning away

Are blessings You planned for me here

Paddle boarding – Be Still

Analogies

We rented a paddle board. I put my 4 year old in front, my 7 year old on the back and I stood in the middle paddling us out into the deeper water. Just around the side of the mountain the water opens up to a larger part of the lake and it’s beautiful and serene and most importantly (for a home full of 3 boys) quiet. The boys had never been on a paddle board before. They had been playing with their friends close to shore most of the day and I really wanted to get a chance and show them what it was like to go out deeper and see the calmer, even more beautiful parts of the lake on the other side. So off we went. Noah, my youngest, is scared of anything that’s not a perfectly solid ground. So he was hanging on for dear life to the roping on the board. Caleb who is rambunctious and cannot sit still was turning around, sticking his feet in the water and dipping his water gun in the lake to fill it up. My main goal was not to fall. But every time Caleb moved, he’d rock the board. So I finally said “look, I want to show y’all something really beautiful and the only way we’re going to get there is if you sit still and let me paddle.” And they did! And it was such a wonderful time with my boys. Of course as soon as I said it, I thought I bet God has asked me to do the same thing but I keep squirming and rocking the board. And if I would just sit still and be patient and let Him do the paddling, I could experience a blessed ride and see the beauty on the other side of the mountain. 
“Be still, my soul,

The Lord is on your side.

Bear patiently, the cross of grief or pain.

Leave to your God, to order and provide.

In every change He faithful will remain.

Be still, my soul,

Your best your heavenly friend, 

Through thorny waves leads to a joyful end.”
-Be still my soul song lyrics 

(This version by Ginny Owens)

Contentment

Poetry

I asked for years how to find itI searched, pleaded, implored

Imposters came and went until

One day it arrived at my door
It came in unannounced

Hidden by the storm outside

It learned it’s way around

Waiting for me to recognize
So when the storm ended

I looked to see where it went

And standing right beside me

There it was, true contentment.
Philippians 4:11-13
…for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

Because of You

Poetry

Because of You
I have stability, security and strength

I know where and to whom I belong

Storms are used to strengthen me

Heartaches turn into song
Because of You
All troubles find their purpose

All questions are met with grace

All sins are cleansed and forgiven

There is hope in each new day
Lamentations 3:22-23
Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

Reminded of You

Poetry

When I reach emptinessIt’s time to look up

When I find myself searching

It’s time to be reminded of Your love
I come to You empty handed

So You can pour into me

I find fulfillment in none other

So I can be reminded it’s You I seek
Romans 5:5
And this hope will never disappoint us. We know this because God has poured out his love to fill our hearts through the Holy Spirit he gave us.

Hope

Poetry

I needed a new pictureOne of truth 

One that would not deceive

You grabbed Your brush

Painted new dreams

And brought real hope to me
Psalm 37:4
Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Psalm 20:4,5
4May he give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed.

5May we shout for joy over your victory and lift up our banners in the name of our God. May the Lord grant all your requests.

Son of Man

Poetry

He came to me again  

He showed me His hand

in the things I’ve been experiencing

He helped me understand  

He loves, He frees,

He relentlessly loves.

He heals me

He is bound to no man.  He is subject to no law.  

He destroys boundaries, He is above it all.  

Revelation 1:14-18

The hair on his head was white like wool, as white as snow, and his eyes were like blazing fire. His feet were like bronze glowing in a furnace, and his voice was like the sound of rushing waters. In his right hand he held seven stars, and coming out of his mouth was a sharp, double-edged sword. His face was like the sun shining in all its brilliance. When I saw him, I fell at his feet as though dead. Then he placed his right hand on me and said: “Do not be afraid. I am the First and the Last. I am the Living One; I was dead, and now look, I am alive for ever and ever! And I hold the keys of death and Hades.”

Where Do you Run?

Poetry

Where do you run when your heart is searching?

I’ve looked to friends

Looked to family

Looked to religion

Looked to destiny

I’ve played nice

I’ve taken revenge

I’ve taught peace and love

I’ve found my zen

They all lead me back 

To the same dead end

In my heart, in my mind

When I give things to You

You change them

You change me

And You become the only One

I ever want to run to 

Again

When Faith & Feelings Collide

Thoughts

Journal entry from years past…

The first 10 years of my growing relationship with Christ was spent learning and absorbing.  I absorbed everything there was to hear or read about the Bible.  I learned lessons, I was fed spiritually, I grew in my faith by seeing prayers answered and I came to trust in God’s love and grace.  It was the time when every sermon on the radio filled my heart and head with joy and peace and my sustenance each day was hearing from the Lord.  I was blessed.  I was blessed with an abundance of answered prayers.  I was blessed with marriage and children and church and friends.  Sin still caused disturbances from time to time but God’s grace always prevailed.  I was forgiven, I was cleansed and I was held in his arms.

The next season began to creep in.  This next season didn’t feel quite as pleasant.  I became aware of 2 distinct parts of my life.  The one and most important part of my life rested in this bubble above my head.  This bubble contained everything I had absorbed in the last 10 years.  It was filled with biblical truths and godly wisdom.  I’d reach in the bubble and grab ideas out to use when appropriate.  I’d reach in there to remember God’s grace when it was needed.  It was an awesome and useful bubble.  But down below, I walked the plain of life in another category.  I walked in my emotions.  I saw life’s circumstances through my emotions.  I acted on them and looked to them for truth and for guidance.  The two bubbles, I thought, had always been aligned pretty well, co-existing in harmony until some differences began to appear.

My emotions began to lead me one direction while my Christian knowledge was leading me in another.  How could this be?  Can I no longer trust my instinct or emotion?  “Serve your neighbor” but “I don’t like my neighbor”.  “Be patient with your husband” but “he’s wrong!” and the list goes on…and on….and on.  My growing awareness of these two spheres of influence brought forth the question “which one do I now follow?”  Will I surrender all and follow Him no matter where He leads even if it is against my own desires?  Will I allow my faith to become victorious over my feelings?

Dear Lord,

You are Lord of the heavens and the earth and over this heart and life of mine.  I pray that You would wash away the parts of me that still fight You and oppose your leading.  I pray I would be surrendered completely to your guidance and your will.  Thank You for never giving up on me and always loving me passionately.  Thank You for making me your child, forgiven and free.  Thank You for having a plan for my life and the means to carry it out.  Thank you that your plan is so much better than mine.  Strengthen me to choose You every day.  Amen    

At Your Door

Poetry

Certain things I’ll never understand 

And some of them cause me pain

But when I place them in Your hand

They never quite feel the same

The sting is dulled, hope gets brighter

Faith feels renewed and restored.

So I’ll keep placing life in Your hands

And keep my torn heart at Your door

Hebrews 4:16

Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

Above

Poetry

You are above my emotions, above all that I think or feel.

My future is not dictated by my circumstances, but by your will.

Elevating my beliefs to your truths requires turning away from lies

Lies that say life’s only goal is reaching self satisfaction

That all must be well around me before following through with godly action

Earthly troubles are my perimeter, all that my earthly eyes can see

Looking beyond to the heavenly is what You are asking of me.

Scripture says your ways are above mine and your thoughts are not as my own

That You surpass all understanding, that You sit on your royal, heavenly throne.

This earthly plain I so clearly see.

Let me leave it behind to rest beside Thee.

The Final Call

Poetry

And when He gives the signal

And it’s time for the trumpet to blow

The walls will come down crumbling

And you will see, you will know

All that had been a mystery

All your mind couldn’t grasp

All your pain and suffering

Will lose power and collapse

1 Corinthians 15:52

In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trump: for the trumpet shall sound, and the dead shall be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed.

The Heart

Poetry

I was following my heart

And my heart was deceived

Truth that was staring at me

Was still hard to see

I tried to piece it together

Tried to satisfy this heart

But it kept leading me wrong

Deeper into the dark

Heart, what have you done?

I thought I could trust you

But you are wavering and selfish

Your guidance will no longer do

I need a higher guide

One not tainted by sin and desire

One who will lead me right

And keep me safe through this mire

Jeremiah 17:9

“The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?”

Hebrews 4:15

“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are–yet he did not sin.”

Trust You not Me

Poetry

There are times we come to a place

Where a decision needs to be made

Our natural self leans a certain way

But You tell us to stop and wait

Past my inklings

Past instinct

Past impulsiveness

There’s your voice I think
When I don’t follow me

But I wait and trust in You

You give me the answers

And show me what to do
Psalm 23:1-6
1  The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.

2  He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters,

3 he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake.

4  Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

5  You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.

6  Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Never Alone

Poetry

Your voice

Your touch 

Your way

Your strength

Your lead

always

Unwavering

Unchanging

Is your love

Not filtered 

Nor hindered

But enough

Thank you for including me

For counting me as your own

For not rejecting me

Or leaving me to do life alone

Deuteronomy 31:6

6 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave younor forsake you.”

More

Poetry

I’ve been told about You 

I’ve seen glimpses yet only a few

In certain seasons, You’ve held me close

Now as I see more, I realize how little I knew

 

You are more than I thought

 

More powerful

More beautiful

More gracious

More unique

 

More unpredictable

More kind

More loving towards me

 

The following is a condensed excerpt from “The Jesus I Thought I Knew” by Philip Yancey

“The more I studied Jesus, the more difficult it became to pigeon-hole him…..He urged obedience to the Mosaic law while acquiring the reputation as a lawbreaker.  He could be stabbed by sympathy for a stranger, yet turn on his best friend with the flinty rebuke ‘Get behind me, Satan!’  He had uncompromising views on rich men and loose women, yet both types enjoyed his company.  One day miracles seemed to flow out of Jesus; the next day his power was blocked by people’s lack of faith.”

A Reason

Poetry

And then there comes a time

You have to rise above it all

Renew your vision 

For greater things, a higher call

Step into the shoes 

That are waiting there for you

Shake off the dust and see

These stepping stones are brand new

There’s hope ahead

The road has turned

There’s a reason for everything

You just struggled to learn

Blind Spots

Poetry

I have a few blind spots

Where my vision’s unclear

I look and I squint

Still clarity is not there

Strength here is gone

Self will won’t heal my sight

These are the places 

I must surrender the fight
I must surrender my will

In the places I can’t see

And trust there’s a Savior

Looking out and caring for me
John 9:10-11

10 “How then were your eyes opened?” they asked. 11 He replied, “The man they call Jesus made some mud and put it on my eyes. He told me to go to Siloam and wash. So I went and washed, and then I could see.”

2 Corinthians 12:8-10
8Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

This Path

Poetry

When I feel led by You

I have to follow through

Despite what others may say

It may sound foolish

The path I choose

But I’m following it anyway
I won’t do this perfectly
I’ll deny You 

and I’ll fall
But this is the way 

I want to go

This path is worth it all
John 10:27
My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.

Spiritual Misfit

Poetry

I feel like a spiritual misfit because I refuse to conform

I don’t want to look like everyone else or be the norm

 

I like to dine with sinners and with them feel most at ease

I don’t want to reject or condemn, judging steals my peace

 

I don’t want to walk the walk and talk the talk to belong to our church club

I just want to know Jesus and let that be enough.

The “spiritual misfit” phrase I stole from Brant Hansen.  He invited people to send him their ideas on the topic so this is the poem I wrote in response to that.  (Want to make sure I give him credit for the phrase/idea and inspiration for the poem!)

Jericho

Poetry

I walked up and down the wall 

Seeing if my hammer would chip away

I said “it’s not working Lord!”

He whispered “Let me lead the way”

Pray as you walk the wall each day

Don’t fear the giants inside as you go

Keep marching and believing me

Stop looking at Jericho

No strength of man can beat this

So do as I say each day 

Take your trumpet and your prayers

The wall will crumble when I say

Walk silently around the wall each day

Ignore their sneers as you go

Look and listen to only me

Stop looking at Jericho

No matter how big the giants are

They are not comparable to me

Do as I say and keep walking

And I’ll send you the victory!

Hebrews 11:30

It was by faith that the people of Israel marched around Jericho for seven days, and the walls came crashing down.

Journey Part 2

Poetry

Goodbye my familiar path

Off to the wilderness

I’m going it alone

I’m restored and had my rest.

I’m not what you think of me

I’m not the sum of my mistakes

I’m on a journey and learning

And every now and then I need a break

But my shoes are back on

My laces pulled tight

I’ve loved, lost and been beaten

I’ve forgiven and done right.

Thanks for all the lessons

I’ll see you at the top 

Whatever trial you face on your journey

Don’t give up, don’t stop

Love Like That

Poetry

I know many doubt You are real

I have my doubts too

But when I see something so much bigger than me

I have to believe it is You.
It’s easy to wonder if You really care

When so many things go wrong

But in the midst of troubles I feel Your embrace

And my faith again is made strong
I certainly don’t have all the answers

My faith still wavers from day to day

But You seem to keep showing up

Over and over again proving Your love and grace.

 

Some may say Your kindness is a weakness

Showing such love after You’ve been rejected many times

But You don’t care. You love with abandon.

Letting nothing keep You from this heart of mine.

 

I want to love like that.

For Our Good

Poetry

There are certain lessons lost

When walking in the shade

But those learned when scorched

Are quickly not to fade

I wish I could learn 

Just as well on easy days

But my stubborn heart says no 

I will always find another way

I’m so glad You are stronger

Than my resistance, my pain

That You will use all this time

Still for my growth and gain.

Romans 8:28
And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

Turn

Poetry

You do offer strength

And Your call is strong

You’ve asked me to choose

Right over wrong

But what if I don’t

What if I go the wrong way

Would you love me the same

Would I stay in Your grace

Could I love You from there

Would my vision be strained

Would You still hear my prayers

Or would everything change?
2 Chronicles 7:14-15

If my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land. Now my eyes will be open and my ears attentive to the prayer that is made in this place.
Corinthians 3:16

But whenever someone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away.