You Are

Poetry

You are the quiet I find in my heart

You are the stillness I seek

You are my wise counselor

You are my source of peace

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More Than a Savior

Poetry, Thoughts

When God showed up to rescue me, I was highly addicted to crystal meth, weighed under 100 lbs and lived in a little shack with my boyfriend where he cooked and sold meth.  We stole food from the grocery store to eat and literally had nothing except our habit and a life consumed with fulfilling that habit.  

You’re more than a Savior to me

You are the One who came to rescue me

You showed up when no one else could

You came into the darkness like You said You would.

And now I am free

Free to get to know You

As the One who has captured my soul.

Jesus You’re more than a Savior to me.

Learning to Dance

Analogies

A few years ago I took a dance class at a gym that I quickly fell in love with.  Normally, if I’m on a dance floor or really anywhere that would require freestyle dancing, I totally chicken out.  But when I was in this class, I became free to dance because someone else was showing me exactly what to do.  So I got to experience the fun of dancing without the pressure to come up with my own moves!  So great!  Anyway… since then, dance classes have become my very favorite.  

During most of the class, I have to keep my eyes on our instructor to make sure I’m doing the right moves.  Don’t want to keep doing the monkey while everyone else has moved onto the kick, ball, change right?! So I keep my eyes on my teacher.  I feel like there are 3 major stages in learning new dances.  The first stage, I just try to learn the basic movements.  “Ok, four steps to the right, four steps to the left, now jump three times.”  Once I’m comfortable with the basic moves, the second stage is paying attention to the little details.  “Oh! She actually turns her hips to the left there.  Ok left foot goes behind my right not the other way around.  See the way her arms are held strong and not flimsy on that part?” and so on and so on.  This stage can last forever as most good teachers have so many moves and nuances to learn from.  However, this next and final stage is pretty darn critical to move onto.  It’s called the “looking in the mirror to make sure you really look like what you think you look like” stage.  The tendency exists to watch the teacher the whole time without looking in the mirror – similar to singing to the radio with the volume up so loud you can never hear yourself.  This can be super fun because it’s easier this way to pretend I’m the next reigning champion on “So You Think You Can Dance”. But, the mirror has a great way of bringing things back to reality.  This is where I get to see where I really am and make adjustments as needed.  

As I’ve been dancing the last few years, I’ve often thought about how similar this process of dancing is to the process of seeking to know and follow God.  And each step in the process is just as important as the next.  If I don’t show up to class or look at my “Teacher”, I miss the opportunity to learn from Him.  I miss the opportunity to dance in freedom while He shows me the next step.  If I stop there and don’t pay attention to the details of His movements,  I may miss the subtlety of His graceful ways.  And finally, if I don’t turn to look in the mirror, I’ll miss the chance to take an accurate account of where I am to make needed adjustments to my moves.  

And just when I think I’ve got the moves perfected, a new song comes on and I start learning to dance all over again.  

   

His Love Never Fails

Poetry

Grateful no matter where I go

You’re with me

No matter what stage, what season

You are there

Running into Your arms

I see all You teach me

Through these storms

My stubbornness gets shattered

My treasures all tattered

My humility is deepened

My sins are forgiven

Because …

“Your Love never fails, it never gives up, it never runs out on me.”

(One Thing Remains)

Romans 8:38-39

38 And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[b] neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. 39 No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord

Crafted

Poetry

Skillfully crafted

Every detail knitted in

Enough room for error

From beginning to end

All choices considered

Preferences known

Dreams and fears designed

To guide each step home

No mistakes wasted

Even they’re factored in

To this life You’ve designed

From beginning to end

Paddle boarding – Be Still

Analogies

We rented a paddle board. I put my 4 year old in front, my 7 year old on the back and I stood in the middle paddling us out into the deeper water. Just around the side of the mountain the water opens up to a larger part of the lake and it’s beautiful and serene and most importantly (for a home full of 3 boys) quiet. The boys had never been on a paddle board before. They had been playing with their friends close to shore most of the day and I really wanted to get a chance and show them what it was like to go out deeper and see the calmer, even more beautiful parts of the lake on the other side. So off we went. Noah, my youngest, is scared of anything that’s not a perfectly solid ground. So he was hanging on for dear life to the roping on the board. Caleb who is rambunctious and cannot sit still was turning around, sticking his feet in the water and dipping his water gun in the lake to fill it up. My main goal was not to fall. But every time Caleb moved, he’d rock the board. So I finally said “look, I want to show y’all something really beautiful and the only way we’re going to get there is if you sit still and let me paddle.” And they did! And it was such a wonderful time with my boys. Of course as soon as I said it, I thought I bet God has asked me to do the same thing but I keep squirming and rocking the board. And if I would just sit still and be patient and let Him do the paddling, I could experience a blessed ride and see the beauty on the other side of the mountain. 
“Be still, my soul,

The Lord is on your side.

Bear patiently, the cross of grief or pain.

Leave to your God, to order and provide.

In every change He faithful will remain.

Be still, my soul,

Your best your heavenly friend, 

Through thorny waves leads to a joyful end.”
-Be still my soul song lyrics 

(This version by Ginny Owens)

Give Thanks 

Poetry

Grateful for trials 

For hard times and growth

Grateful for treasures

For pleasures, for both

Grateful that falling

Finds wings to take flight

Grateful the valley

Gives way to great heights

1 Thessalonians 5:18

Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.

Heavy

Poetry

Ouch!  Like I said before, I’m going through some of my older writings and this one struck me as so heavy.  It, to me, paints a picture of a heavy laden, burdened heart, seeking answers and relief during a season of struggle

Passing by in songs of silence

I watch You work behind the scenes

Questions and doubts about this tapestry painted

Looking to see beyond the fog

 

Answers lingering here and there

Reality mixed with fiction, what is true?

Longing for the days my memory clings to

When I knew You, the You I could fathom

 

But, now sin enters the picture and doesn’t leave

It’s always hanging around

Spurring burdens on my heart

How does this fit into the picture?

 

I am waiting, learning and asking for You

I feel that my heart has some heavy needs

I’ll write down what I feel I’ve learned

And ask You again to take the lead.

.

Within the Waiting

Poetry

He stirs everything within me

Answers fade away leaving me with nothing

I look up, You are there, watching and knowing

My old ways aren’t working, my methods useless

So, I let You work.

Working away in this heart and head

To Produce fruit, Spirit-led

My selfish nature will not be fed

I cling to Your spirit for life

To journey with You is not to arrive

But to watch, to trust and

To find peace within the waiting.

A Word on Grief

Poetry

Please tell me there will be

another season around the bend

Tell me this heartache

will come to an end

 

So far its ceasing

has come and gone

And quickly reappears

before too long

 

Most may think

I should have already moved on

Truth is, I have.

But the pain’s still not gone

 

Matthew 5:4

Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.

Revelation 21:4

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.

Psalm 34:18

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Silence

Poetry

Since I love to talk about all the good things You do

I should be open and honest about the harder times too

 

Like when You seem nowhere to be found

When Your face is hidden and I don’t hear a sound

 

I search for inspiration, a heavenly word

But nothing comes, not one word is heard

 

In silence I wait for You to reveal my next move

For it’s here I’m prepared to get a message from You.

 

1 Kings 19:12

And after the earthquake there was a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire there was the sound of a gentle whisper.”

Love Like That

Poetry

I know many doubt You are real

I have my doubts too

But when I see something so much bigger than me

I have to believe it is You.
It’s easy to wonder if You really care

When so many things go wrong

But in the midst of troubles I feel Your embrace

And my faith again is made strong
I certainly don’t have all the answers

My faith still wavers from day to day

But You seem to keep showing up

Over and over again proving Your love and grace.

 

Some may say Your kindness is a weakness

Showing such love after You’ve been rejected many times

But You don’t care. You love with abandon.

Letting nothing keep You from this heart of mine.

 

I want to love like that.

By Design

Poetry

I can find little purposes and create a decent life for myself here.  I can fill up my time, enjoy meaningful experiences, develop fun-filled social circles and excel in many things.  I can dive into a career and pour myself into volunteer opportunities and work toward bettering myself and my community.  Only… those things don’t fully satisfy my purpose here unless I’m doing them with You. 

I desire to learn Your promises

To believe the things I cannot see

Embrace a life that looks different

Confidently as I walk it with Thee

Securely trusting and following

This path You’ve designed for me.