More Than a Savior

Poetry, Thoughts

When God showed up to rescue me, I was highly addicted to crystal meth, weighed under 100 lbs and lived in a little shack with my boyfriend where he cooked and sold meth.  We stole food from the grocery store to eat and literally had nothing except our habit and a life consumed with fulfilling that habit.  

You’re more than a Savior to me

You are the One who came to rescue me

You showed up when no one else could

You came into the darkness like You said You would.

And now I am free

Free to get to know You

As the One who has captured my soul.

Jesus You’re more than a Savior to me.

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Judging

Thoughts

When we evaluate people, we evaluate them on what we have experienced.  Therefore, our evaluations are ALWAYS limited to some degree.  If you were to look at my mistakes and judge them based on your experience, my mistakes may appear catastrophic!   But if you were to compare my mistakes today to my mistakes from 15 years ago, you would be astonished at my growth!  Therefore evaluations are always relative.  And that is where perspective plays such a huge role in our judgments.  We seem to always be praising the idea of not judging one another until it doesn’t make sense to us.  Then judging seems the right thing to do.  I get it.  I do it too.  But I’m trying my best to understand that just because I don’t understand someone’s actions doesn’t mean I have the right to judge them but to try my best to give them understanding, forgiveness, compassion and kindness. 

gold

For Sinners

Poetry

Jesus is with me

because I have the greatest need

He didn’t come for the Saints

For those strong in good deeds

He came for sinners

He came for me

Mark 2:17

On hearing this, Jesus said to them, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”

As I’m Walking

Analogies

Didi lived down the street from me when I was a kid and she had honeysuckle vines in her backyard.  I loved the smell and loved getting to eat the flowers.  It was a really nice childhood memory.  30 plus years later, I came across a beautiful smell in the air when taking an evening stroll and I thought “there must be a honeysuckle vine nearby!”  It had been so long since those days of honeysuckle in the backyard I couldn’t even remember for sure what they looked like but because I had no other frame of reference for the strong yet sweet fragrance, I had undoubtedly decided this was honeysuckle I was smelling.  And for awhile all of my walks were filled with the smell of sweet honeysuckle.

Until one day someone I was walking with corrected me and explained the flower I was smelling wasn’t honeysuckle at all.  It was jasmine.  All this time!  They have some similarities and both emit a stronger fragrance at night but they are actually two different species.  And while the petals of the honeysuckle are edible, jasmine can be quite toxic to humans if ingested.  And I wondered… in how many other areas of my life am I believing I am enjoying the sweet nectar of honeysuckle all the while I am ingesting toxic jasmine petals?

Have I mistaken lust for love? Acceptance from others as self worth?  Have I misinterpreted setbacks as failure?  And looked at my emotions as a compass?   The smell of honeysuckle tends to pop up in areas filled with immaturity or painful past experiences.  It may be where there is incomplete information or in areas that are in need of the most growth.  And this is where it’s important that on my evening strolls, I’m walking with Someone who knows the difference.    

I thought I knew what was around me

I thought I recognized the smell

But truly I was mistaken

All this time I couldn’t tell

But the One right beside me

Began pointing out the truth

He corrected me and taught me

All the things I’d misconstrued

So now as I am walking

I make sure He’s close by

To teach in each new fragrance

What is truth and what’s a lie

John 16:13  When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth, for he will not speak on his own authority, but whatever he hears he will speak, and he will declare to you the things that are to come.

His Love Never Fails

Poetry

Grateful no matter where I go

You’re with me

No matter what stage, what season

You are there

Running into Your arms

I see all You teach me

Through these storms

My stubbornness gets shattered

My treasures all tattered

My humility is deepened

My sins are forgiven

Because …

“Your Love never fails, it never gives up, it never runs out on me.”

(One Thing Remains)

Romans 8:38-39

38 And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[b] neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. 39 No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord

Remember in the Dark

Poetry

I came into His inner room

And heard what He had to say

It spoke deeply to my heart

His love and grace were bright as day

Then as I was walking

Things started turning dim

Obstacles began contrasting

All I’d heard from Him

And then I could finally see

That this is where true faith begins

Luke 12:3

What you have said in the dark will be heard in the daylight, and what you have whispered in the ear in the inner rooms will be proclaimed from the roofs.

Spirit vs. Flesh

Poetry

Giving into you
Made you stronger

Giving you attention

Made you hold on longer

Always seeking your own satisfaction

While pretending to be my friend

Yet every road you’ve chosen for me

Has led to bitter ends

So once again I denounce you

Your wicked ways and selfishness

I’ll nourish my Spirit to overcome

This battle with my own flesh.

Colossians 3:5

Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry.

Galatians 5:16-18

So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves. The sinful nature wants to do evil, which is just the opposite of what the Spirit wants. And the Spirit gives us desires that are the opposite of what the sinful nature desires. These two forces are constantly fighting each other, so you are not free to carry out your good intentions. But when you are directed by the Spirit, you are not under obligation to the law of Moses.

Tether

Poetry

Tether me

Tether me

To Your side

For in my heart

Lurks desire

To go astray

Tether me

Tether me

To Your side

To keep me near

And protect me

From my own way

 

Romans 7:15

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.

Your Will Be Done

Poetry

 I desire immediate gratification.

But often Your timing is different than mine.

Please help me to remember in my struggle for pleasure,

That Your will be done, not mine.

In my need, I surrender my heart to You.

One broken area at a time.

In Your grace, I offer my thanks to You.

For being patient when I am so stubborn and blind.

May I trust You enough to ask every day that Your will be done, not mine. 

Driver

Poetry

Step away from the wheel

You are just a babe

Your feet don’t even reach the floor

The wheel is too heavy

You can’t hold it straight

I see you keep veering off course

Let me take over

I’ve got it from here

You don’t need to steer anymore

Isaiah 43:16-19

This is what the Lord says— he who made a way through the sea, a path through the mighty waters, who drew out the chariots and horses, the army and reinforcements together, and they lay there, never to rise again, extinguished, snuffed out like a wick: “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.

Crafted

Poetry

Skillfully crafted

Every detail knitted in

Enough room for error

From beginning to end

All choices considered

Preferences known

Dreams and fears designed

To guide each step home

No mistakes wasted

Even they’re factored in

To this life You’ve designed

From beginning to end

In Freedom

Poetry

Do not promote guilt

When I died to set you free

Who decides which sin is worse

When this wasn’t even clarified by Me?

It is the condition of the heart

That only the Father can see

And He deals with it in grace

Not in condemnation to imprison thee

1 Samuel 16:7

“…The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”

Matthew 15:14
“Leave them; they are blind guides. If the blind lead the blind, both will fall into a pit.”

There is Purpose

Poetry

I’ve known every trial

Understood every temptation

Have risen and fallen

With the worst and the best
I’ve seen His hand

In the cards I’ve been given

I’ve seen He has purpose

In my failures and tests
James 1:2-4

2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds,3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

He Goes Before Us

Poetry

He greets me with no judgement

But a nudge and a call to what’s right

He watches and waits patiently

As I work through the trials in my life
Deuteronomy 31:8
The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.

Love Without Fear

Poetry

Pain taught me to self protect

And it built its own defense

But now when I try to walk in faith

I’m trapped behind this fence

 

I push some people away

And hide away with You

Until I’m reminded hiding

Is not what You intend me to do

 

Exercise faith with courage

By loving without fear

Some of these people I’m turning away

Are blessings You planned for me here

Because of You

Poetry

Because of You
I have stability, security and strength

I know where and to whom I belong

Storms are used to strengthen me

Heartaches turn into song
Because of You
All troubles find their purpose

All questions are met with grace

All sins are cleansed and forgiven

There is hope in each new day
Lamentations 3:22-23
Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

My Pain

Poetry

It’s taken me captive 

Been ruthless and cold

Gripping my heart

Unwilling to let go

I’ve pressed on despite it

Used it to grow

Gotten used to its presence

And welcomed it home

It’s had purpose, made gains

Inspired me to change

Been my friend, left me slain

My daily reminder, my pain

2 Corinthians 12: 8-10

8Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Son of Man

Poetry

He came to me again  

He showed me His hand

in the things I’ve been experiencing

He helped me understand  

He loves, He frees,

He relentlessly loves.

He heals me

He is bound to no man.  He is subject to no law.  

He destroys boundaries, He is above it all.  

Revelation 1:14-18

The hair on his head was white like wool, as white as snow, and his eyes were like blazing fire. His feet were like bronze glowing in a furnace, and his voice was like the sound of rushing waters. In his right hand he held seven stars, and coming out of his mouth was a sharp, double-edged sword. His face was like the sun shining in all its brilliance. When I saw him, I fell at his feet as though dead. Then he placed his right hand on me and said: “Do not be afraid. I am the First and the Last. I am the Living One; I was dead, and now look, I am alive for ever and ever! And I hold the keys of death and Hades.”

Grace

Poetry

Just when I think I’ve found the right to judge

The right to hate, not forgive and not budge
You pull me aside and remind me of my sin

You remind me of your love and the grace You keep me in

1 Corinthians 13:2

If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 

Stronger

Poetry

I no longer have to apologize

To the world for my every mistake

And seeing where I’ve gone wrong

No longer causes me to break

I don’t like it and I’d rather be perfect

But I’ve yet to find one who is

Thank the Lord He is gracious

That He sees, knows and forgives

Guilt and fear are getting weaker

While strength is taking their place

It’s not Your will to live in shame

But to walk in confidence and grace

At Your Door

Poetry

Certain things I’ll never understand 

And some of them cause me pain

But when I place them in Your hand

They never quite feel the same

The sting is dulled, hope gets brighter

Faith feels renewed and restored.

So I’ll keep placing life in Your hands

And keep my torn heart at Your door

Hebrews 4:16

Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

Give Him Praise

Poetry

The good news is things have been going pretty well lately.  There’s no chaos, drama or pain.  The bad news is I do most of my writing during difficult seasons.  😉  Soooo, I’m going to re-post a few oldies while I re-kindle my inspiration.  🙂

Should there be any comfort in Christ

By His blood, should we be saved.

Should His arms ever hold us tight,

Then let us give Him praise.

 

Should our failures ever meet His grace

Should our tears be wiped away

Should our hope be restored again

Then let us give Him praise.

 

Should our lives reflect His name

Should we be rescued from our shame

Should He speak to our hearts each day,

Then Let us give Him praise.

Redeemer

Poetry

You’ve given me freedom

A space to be me

It’s so what I’ve needed

To not live in guilt, to be free

Within these boundaries

You direct me in grace

Bringing healing and change

With every glimpse of your face

1 Corinthians 13:12

For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

Silence

Poetry

Since I love to talk about all the good things You do

I should be open and honest about the harder times too

 

Like when You seem nowhere to be found

When Your face is hidden and I don’t hear a sound

 

I search for inspiration, a heavenly word

But nothing comes, not one word is heard

 

In silence I wait for You to reveal my next move

For it’s here I’m prepared to get a message from You.

 

1 Kings 19:12

And after the earthquake there was a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire there was the sound of a gentle whisper.”

Blind Spots

Poetry

I have a few blind spots

Where my vision’s unclear

I look and I squint

Still clarity is not there

Strength here is gone

Self will won’t heal my sight

These are the places 

I must surrender the fight
I must surrender my will

In the places I can’t see

And trust there’s a Savior

Looking out and caring for me
John 9:10-11

10 “How then were your eyes opened?” they asked. 11 He replied, “The man they call Jesus made some mud and put it on my eyes. He told me to go to Siloam and wash. So I went and washed, and then I could see.”

2 Corinthians 12:8-10
8Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Friend of Sinners

Poetry

I don’t look the way you think I should

I won’t fit inside your box

I can’t get enough of the people I love

You may disagree with the way I walk

Don’t expect me to condemn I won’t

These are the people I long to know

They need me and I died for them

To walk along side wherever they go
Luke 7:34

The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and you say, ‘Here is a glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners.’ 

Unfaithful

Poetry

What part of You should I write of today?

The way You raise Your hand to stop me when I’m going the wrong way?

Or the blessings You shower down to remind me You love me and are here to stay.

How about the confidence You bestow when everything else is on shaky ground

Or the Hope you instill when no tangible reason to hope can be found

Yes those are all great. But I think there is  still another favorite I should proclaim.

When I told You I may never be faithful, You gently grabbed my hand and said “I know” and kept loving me anyway. 

2 Timothy 2:13

If we are faithless, He remains faithful, for He cannot deny Himself.

Spiritual Misfit

Poetry

I feel like a spiritual misfit because I refuse to conform

I don’t want to look like everyone else or be the norm

 

I like to dine with sinners and with them feel most at ease

I don’t want to reject or condemn, judging steals my peace

 

I don’t want to walk the walk and talk the talk to belong to our church club

I just want to know Jesus and let that be enough.

The “spiritual misfit” phrase I stole from Brant Hansen.  He invited people to send him their ideas on the topic so this is the poem I wrote in response to that.  (Want to make sure I give him credit for the phrase/idea and inspiration for the poem!)

Humility

Poetry

I am frozen by Your love

Unable to speak or move

When my heart sees

The complexity and truth of You

 

And when I ask You

How it is I’m able to see

You say it’s all my weaknesses

That opened the door for me

 

If I was strong and proud

If I had it all together

I would go about life on my own

And wouldn’t need my Savior

 

But I’m in a weak frame  

And while my past He won’t condone

He still lovingly responds

He who is without sin, throw the first stone

 

1 Corinthians 1:27

But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.

John 8:7

When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.”

Matthew 13:15-16

15 …and they have closed their eyes. Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts, and turn, and I would heal them.’ 16 But blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear… 

 

Confession

Poetry

And then I saw my anger

It was hiding underneath

Mad at injustices, mistreatments

Mad at anything causing grief

Blaming others 

for things I myself do

Really not wanting 

to see the whole truth
Could it be I am guilty too

Of missteps and selfishness

That I’ve deceived myself

By my own self righteousness
Yes it’s been made clear

So I must now confess

I have played a major role

In contributing to my own mess

1 John 1:9

“But if we confess our sins to Him, He is faithful and just to forgive us and to cleanse us from every wrong.”

Discernment

Poetry

My name is discernment

Trust what I reveal and know

I show you the hidden things

You’d otherwise never be told
I show you opportunities for blessing
And how to count sorrow as joy

I whisper God’s wisdom 

Amid this world’s noise
I sense when something new is brewing
When it is time to block an attack

I sense calmness and times to be still

When to move on and when to hold back
I’m a gift, don’t ignore me 

Shut me out or throw me away

Embrace me and listen

I will bless and enrich your day

Love Like That

Poetry

I know many doubt You are real

I have my doubts too

But when I see something so much bigger than me

I have to believe it is You.
It’s easy to wonder if You really care

When so many things go wrong

But in the midst of troubles I feel Your embrace

And my faith again is made strong
I certainly don’t have all the answers

My faith still wavers from day to day

But You seem to keep showing up

Over and over again proving Your love and grace.

 

Some may say Your kindness is a weakness

Showing such love after You’ve been rejected many times

But You don’t care. You love with abandon.

Letting nothing keep You from this heart of mine.

 

I want to love like that.

For Our Good

Poetry

There are certain lessons lost

When walking in the shade

But those learned when scorched

Are quickly not to fade

I wish I could learn 

Just as well on easy days

But my stubborn heart says no 

I will always find another way

I’m so glad You are stronger

Than my resistance, my pain

That You will use all this time

Still for my growth and gain.

Romans 8:28
And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

Troubles

Poetry

You use pain to show me your healing

You use weakness to show me your strength

You use sadness to show me your joy

So rain down your will on me today.
How can I complain when trials come,

when they open my eyes to your face

Every disappointment

throws me in your arms

So rain down more troubles today.