When God showed up to rescue me, I was highly addicted to crystal meth, weighed under 100 lbs and lived in a little shack with my boyfriend where he cooked and sold meth. We stole food from the grocery store to eat and literally had nothing except our habit and a life consumed with fulfilling that habit.
You’re more than a Savior to me
You are the One who came to rescue me
You showed up when no one else could
You came into the darkness like You said You would.
And now I am free
Free to get to know You
As the One who has captured my soul.
Jesus You’re more than a Savior to me.
For all the times You spoke
And I didn’t hear
The times You tried to get my attention
And I came nowhere near
For the times You shouted
Waving Your hands in the air
And in the silence You still whispered
Reminding me You cared
For the times You held me gently
As I wept in Your arms
The times You sent me warnings
To keep me out of harm
The times You’ve made me laugh
With Your wit, humor and charm
Your love, Your strength, Your kindness
Because that’s just Who You are.
Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you.
I desire immediate gratification.
But often Your timing is different than mine.
Please help me to remember in my struggle for pleasure,
That Your will be done, not mine.
In my need, I surrender my heart to You.
One broken area at a time.
In Your grace, I offer my thanks to You.
For being patient when I am so stubborn and blind.
May I trust You enough to ask every day that Your will be done, not mine.
This morning on the way to school, my 4 year old said “sometimes Caleb (his 7 yr old brother) is mean to me. So sometimes will you be mean to him too?” I laughed a little on the inside thinking “of course I won’t be mean to your brother because he was mean to you. He’s my son too.”
Then I wondered if that’s how it sounds to God when we wish He would “repay” the wrongs done to us. He hears us, gently smiles, understands why we feel that way but then reminds us that the person who hurt us is His child too. And instead of “being mean to them”, He disciplines out of love and infinite wisdom, knowing exactly what each of us needs. He provides mercy upon mercy just as He has done for me…. and for that, I am extremely grateful.
In the broken, In the silence
I sit and wait
Your hand is at work
I watch and pray
I give You the pieces
I trust what You say
Because of You
I have stability, security and strength
I know where and to whom I belong
Storms are used to strengthen me
Heartaches turn into song
Because of You
All troubles find their purpose
All questions are met with grace
All sins are cleansed and forgiven
There is hope in each new day
Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
And then I saw my anger
It was hiding underneath
Mad at injustices, mistreatments
Mad at anything causing grief
for things I myself do
Really not wanting
to see the whole truth
Could it be I am guilty too
Of missteps and selfishness
That I’ve deceived myself
By my own self righteousness
Yes it’s been made clear
So I must now confess
I have played a major role
In contributing to my own mess
1 John 1:9
“But if we confess our sins to Him, He is faithful and just to forgive us and to cleanse us from every wrong.”
I wish I could say I’ve been a victor
And stayed the course with You
I wish I could say I kept my faith
And never truly doubted You
I wish I could say I’ve been stronger
And stood on a solid ground
I wish I could say I learned my lessons
And never looked back or turned around
But that’s not the case
I am not the strong one
I fail temptations and tests
Coming out broken and undone
I get burned by the flames
I abandon my ark
I shy away from Pharaoh
I run to the dark
And every time I get injured
You are there to rescue from harm
You still love, still forgive
You scoop me into your arms
I wish I could say I’ve been good
And won this war for You
Truth is I’ve been a traitor and a fool
And the only real hero is You
I am in the throws of judgement
Lord have mercy
I feel their glares, their fiery eyes
Their pity stares as they pass me by
I’m sure I’m deserving of plenty pain
But I’ll ask you be merciful
Open this road, let me go on my way
I’m ready for brand new again
I’ve over worn my stay
I’m letting it all go
It was never mine anyway.