You Are

Poetry

You are the quiet I find in my heart

You are the stillness I seek

You are my wise counselor

You are my source of peace

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More Than a Savior

Poetry, Thoughts

When God showed up to rescue me, I was highly addicted to crystal meth, weighed under 100 lbs and lived in a little shack with my boyfriend where he cooked and sold meth.  We stole food from the grocery store to eat and literally had nothing except our habit and a life consumed with fulfilling that habit.  

You’re more than a Savior to me

You are the One who came to rescue me

You showed up when no one else could

You came into the darkness like You said You would.

And now I am free

Free to get to know You

As the One who has captured my soul.

Jesus You’re more than a Savior to me.

Love Song

Poetry

For all the times You spoke

And I didn’t hear

The times You tried to get my attention

And I came nowhere near

For the times You shouted

Waving Your hands in the air

And in the silence You still whispered

Reminding me You cared

For the times You held me gently

As I wept in Your arms

The times You sent me warnings

To keep me out of harm

The times You’ve made me laugh

With Your wit, humor and charm

Your love, Your strength, Your kindness

Because that’s just Who You are.

Psalm 63:3

Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you.

Your Will Be Done

Poetry

 I desire immediate gratification.

But often Your timing is different than mine.

Please help me to remember in my struggle for pleasure,

That Your will be done, not mine.

In my need, I surrender my heart to You.

One broken area at a time.

In Your grace, I offer my thanks to You.

For being patient when I am so stubborn and blind.

May I trust You enough to ask every day that Your will be done, not mine. 

Being Mean

Poetry

This morning on the way to school, my 4 year old said “sometimes Caleb (his 7 yr old brother) is mean to me. So sometimes will you be mean to him too?”  I laughed a little on the inside thinking “of course I won’t be mean to your brother because he was mean to you. He’s my son too.”  

Then I wondered if that’s how it sounds to God when we wish He would “repay” the wrongs done to us. He hears us, gently smiles, understands why we feel that way but then reminds us that the person who hurt us is His child too.  And instead of “being mean to them”, He disciplines out of love and infinite wisdom, knowing exactly what each of us needs.  He provides mercy upon mercy just as He has done for me…. and for that, I am extremely grateful.

In the broken, In the silence

I sit and wait

Your hand is at work
I watch and pray
I give You the pieces
I trust what You say

Because of You

Poetry

Because of You
I have stability, security and strength

I know where and to whom I belong

Storms are used to strengthen me

Heartaches turn into song
Because of You
All troubles find their purpose

All questions are met with grace

All sins are cleansed and forgiven

There is hope in each new day
Lamentations 3:22-23
Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

Confession

Poetry

And then I saw my anger

It was hiding underneath

Mad at injustices, mistreatments

Mad at anything causing grief

Blaming others 

for things I myself do

Really not wanting 

to see the whole truth
Could it be I am guilty too

Of missteps and selfishness

That I’ve deceived myself

By my own self righteousness
Yes it’s been made clear

So I must now confess

I have played a major role

In contributing to my own mess

1 John 1:9

“But if we confess our sins to Him, He is faithful and just to forgive us and to cleanse us from every wrong.”

Battle Scars

Poetry

I wish I could say I’ve been a victor

And stayed the course with You

I wish I could say I kept my faith

And never truly doubted You

 

I wish I could say I’ve been stronger

And stood on a solid ground

I wish I could say I learned my lessons

And never looked back or turned around

 

But that’s not the case

I am not the strong one

I fail temptations and tests

Coming out broken and undone

 

I get burned by the flames

I abandon my ark

I shy away from Pharaoh

I run to the dark

 

And every time I get injured

You are there to rescue from harm

You still love, still forgive

You scoop me into your arms

 

I wish I could say I’ve been good

And won this war for You

Truth is I’ve been a traitor and a fool

And the only real hero is You

Sentencing

Poetry

I am in the throws of judgement

Lord have mercy

I feel their glares, their fiery eyes

Their pity stares as they pass me by

I’m sure I’m deserving of plenty pain

But I’ll ask you be merciful

Open this road, let me go on my way

I’m ready for brand new again

I’ve over worn my stay

I’m letting it all go

It was never mine anyway.